Because our brains are wired for the natural world of 10,000 years ago.

Since then, we’ve discovered more effective ways to navigate the world.

Yet, we have to consciously choose to navigate the world in these more effective ways; hence, mental models.

For example.

Most people assume that being themselves and being liked by other people are opposing goals.

Consider integer thinking (-3, -2, -1, 0, 1, 2, 3).

Western Europeans thought the idea was “absurd” until about 300 years ago.

Now, we use it everywhere.

But that means that it’s not “natural” to think in these terms (our wetware isn’t wired to perceive the world in these ways).

We see this in ratings: we give something a 1 to 10 rating, or 1 to 5 stars.

Consider that a 1-star rating is terrible, no good, wouldn’t visit again, while a 5-star rating is excellent, couldn’t have been better.

Often when we’re young, our brains note this interesting phenomenon: we can be ourselves, or we can “fit a mold” that doesn’t feel like who we are.

Our default model turns it into a star rating for authenticity vs. being fake.

Fitting the mold is 1 star, and being completely ourselves is 5 stars.

Our default model tells us we have to choose being ourself (5 stars), or being liked by others (1 star).

But consider integer thinking as a mental model.

If we use this mental model, it might look like this:

-5: Something everyone else likes and I hate. +5: Something only I like, but nobody else does.

But wait, what does that make zero?

Well, if the integer line represents “positive experience”, then: 0: Something both everyone else likes and I like.

Experientially, we know this. Ella Fitzgerald is considered, almost universally, a good singer. Being fit is considered, almost universally, a physically attractive trait. In every reality, people like pizza. jk.

In this mental model, something that is popular and that you dislike isn’t 1 star, it’s something like -4 stars.

Also in this model, 4 stars might be something I like, and only 100 other people in the world like it, too. While 1 star is something that I like that 80% of people also like.

So if we use our default model, we think we have to choose between pleasing others vs. living authentically ourselves.

If we use the integer model, another reality becomes possible: you can always live a life you enjoy.

How?

By never being in the negative.

If you want to get along with everybody (0), engage in things that everyone likes and you like.

If you want to find your tribe, engage in things that are +3 and +4 stars to you.

If you want to be a true artist and not care what anyone else thinks, go for +5 stars only.

But. You never need to engage in the negative stars.

Because the lowest you’ll go is the overlap between universally enjoyable and enjoyable to you.

Which means, you would live a life you always enjoy.